dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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