I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
