I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They have beer where we have blood.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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