it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
