I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
