My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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