Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
