Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
