Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize