Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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