I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
