dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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