i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
