Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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