I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
