It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
