I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
