So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
