someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
