discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
