More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
