he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
