If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
