Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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