I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if only i could text you this smell
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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