hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
