Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need moral support for this bender
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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