Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
