Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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