Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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