I'm really into asian looking animals
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
