He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
