I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Still dying that you shit outside
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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