"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
