don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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