the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
