Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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