Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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