I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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