Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
