In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
