new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
