She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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