i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
