I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
