I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
