So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
