Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
