Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
