I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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