In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
