Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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