Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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