I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
