We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
