tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
