i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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