why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
