Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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