I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
