You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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