Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
