I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
