margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I did not marry a roomba.
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