the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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