Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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