Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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