Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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