Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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