Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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