nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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