she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
