She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
