Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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